This is the first parenting book I have ever read-- though I'm not sure it should be called a parenting book. In fact, All Joy And No Fun appealed to me precisely because it was not about the effect of parenting on the kids, but on the parents. And in that regard, Jennifer Senior does a nice job of describing some of the different ways modern-day adults' lives are affected by the addition of little tykes to the home.
The book is divided into six chapters that hone in on different themes, such as marriage, autonomy, toddlerhood, childhood, adolescence, and joy. Each chapter has plenty of takeaways; for example, the amount of "flow" that is experienced by parents dramatically decreases after the birth of a child, which is a big part of why parenting can be so negatively impactful. Another is that women in the 50's and 60's were called "housewives" because they spent so much time on housework; nowadays, they are called "stay-at-home moms," and research on their time use confirms that they spend about half as much time taking care of housework and dramatically more time with their children than their grandparents did. All good stuff, some of which you may already know but much of which may be new to you, as it was to me.
Like most books in this vein, her chapters open with vignettes, in this case of particular parents she got to know in the course of her research for the book. Her vignettes and sociological analysis skews exclusively urban, which is in line with her focus on the unique challenges faced by modern parents in modern environments. Though she uses these stories as touchstones for the sociological research she presents, she does not tie together very many big themes until the final chapter, when she finally brings home her main theme, which I'll get to below. Which brings me to my main critique of the book, which is the same critique I have of most pop social science books: it is an inefficient means of communicating the information. Though the vignettes nicely round out the research, I'd much rather just have the research downloaded to my brain and skip the fluff. Perhaps you feel the same way.
As for the main theme? I would state it thusly: The question of whether parenting is a worthwhile endeavor is a philosophical one: should you value moment-to-moment happiness more than retrospective evaluations of your life? If the "experiencing self" is where you place your greatest value, you may logically elect to avoid becoming a parent. But if, like most people, you prioritize your "remembering self" (which ironically is terrible at recalling things accurately), you'll try to fashion a life with a more interesting storyline, with unexpected twists and turns that only children can bring. Ultimately, parenting is a gamble that the hard road will be worth the satisfaction of a child well-reared.
Have you rolled the dice? Whether you have or haven't, I'd be interested to hear if you're satisfied with your choice.
The book is divided into six chapters that hone in on different themes, such as marriage, autonomy, toddlerhood, childhood, adolescence, and joy. Each chapter has plenty of takeaways; for example, the amount of "flow" that is experienced by parents dramatically decreases after the birth of a child, which is a big part of why parenting can be so negatively impactful. Another is that women in the 50's and 60's were called "housewives" because they spent so much time on housework; nowadays, they are called "stay-at-home moms," and research on their time use confirms that they spend about half as much time taking care of housework and dramatically more time with their children than their grandparents did. All good stuff, some of which you may already know but much of which may be new to you, as it was to me.
Like most books in this vein, her chapters open with vignettes, in this case of particular parents she got to know in the course of her research for the book. Her vignettes and sociological analysis skews exclusively urban, which is in line with her focus on the unique challenges faced by modern parents in modern environments. Though she uses these stories as touchstones for the sociological research she presents, she does not tie together very many big themes until the final chapter, when she finally brings home her main theme, which I'll get to below. Which brings me to my main critique of the book, which is the same critique I have of most pop social science books: it is an inefficient means of communicating the information. Though the vignettes nicely round out the research, I'd much rather just have the research downloaded to my brain and skip the fluff. Perhaps you feel the same way.
As for the main theme? I would state it thusly: The question of whether parenting is a worthwhile endeavor is a philosophical one: should you value moment-to-moment happiness more than retrospective evaluations of your life? If the "experiencing self" is where you place your greatest value, you may logically elect to avoid becoming a parent. But if, like most people, you prioritize your "remembering self" (which ironically is terrible at recalling things accurately), you'll try to fashion a life with a more interesting storyline, with unexpected twists and turns that only children can bring. Ultimately, parenting is a gamble that the hard road will be worth the satisfaction of a child well-reared.
Have you rolled the dice? Whether you have or haven't, I'd be interested to hear if you're satisfied with your choice.
" I'd much rather just have the research downloaded to my brain and skip the fluff." Wow I have never thought about why I get excited by a cover or summary of a book like this but often get bogged down and feel I'm wasting a lot of time before.
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